A “REAL” DECISION

CHRISTIAN DECISIONS

CHRISTIAN DECISIONS IMPORTANCE AND CHRISTIAN DECISIONS MESSAGE

Searching for answers one day for the purpose of my life, I stumbled across a website called Christianity Oasis. Here, I found a chat room of people across the world who gather to have fun, share their problems, and really care for other people. As I would log on into the chat room and listen to people, I realized that I had a new family across the world. I could feel so much love and knew that God’s hand was at work in people’s lives, including mine. It was the “high” that I had been searching for all my life. As I shared a little about myself, the administrator of the web site asked me if I would consider writing my testimony and if so, he would design a website for free. I told myself I could not do this. Actually, I had many excuses of why I couldn’t do this but realized that I had to have God’s help and humble myself in letting other’s know the pain I’ve experienced. I am not a writer nor do I feel that I express myself very well. So I write, neither with man’s wisdom nor of enticing words, but by the power of God, who sent His only Son to die for me that I may have Eternal life with Him one day.

Only by the Grace of God am I allowed to write these words. Miracles happen every day and I am living proof. Looking at the past can be unpleasant for most of us, but we should never dwell on it nor wish to shut the door on it. I can say that I am ashamed for the life I once lived. Now I see that my dark past may help others to see the fullness of life and that we do not have to allow our past manner of living determine our future. We cannot change people but we can change ourselves and who we are, only through the power of God and Him living in us. This requires a daily surrender to Him and for me; looking to Him for guidance and allowing Him to hold my hand as we walk together in this wicked world. I pray that these words will touch someone and decisions will be made to serve the One that truly loves us. He is the answer to living a life that is fulfilling and blessed.

My parents brought me up in Church as a child. I was involved and remember having convictions as a child. At the age of 15, I felt a call from God on my life. My answer to Him was to let me wait until I have finished experiencing with some of the worlds pleasures in which I became addicted and in bondage for so many years. I was a good kid until I was curious as to what alcohol would do to me. And there I found the escape I needed to suppress God’s call on my life. I was popular in high school and played sports. I was voted best looking in my class and I had above average grades. I also began to experiment with drugs which enhanced my well being (or so I thought). I was sensitive and emotional growing up. I can remember at the age of 17 of aiming a loaded gun at myself and pulling the trigger. Yes, I shot myself.

The surgeon told me that he had not ever seen anything as miraculous as how it seemed that “Someone’s” hand was on that bullet, guiding it around my most vital organs and not hitting anything that would paralyze me or injure me for life. My parents and I agreed to keep this suicide attempt a secret and tell everyone that it was an accident. So, I did not deal with this issue but soon forgot about my deep emotional pain that was upon me. God was not ready for me to die yet. A few years later, I actually cannot recall what I was going through specifically. But I tried again to kill myself, this time by swallowing 50 Quaaludes pills. I woke up 5 days later in a hospital and I was still alive. Again, God would not allow me to die. I remember very little of these years because I drowned my fears and depression with alcohol and drugs.

Alcohol and drugs began to cause some problems for me in whom I blamed off to just being a boy and having bad luck.  It seemed that I had always had mild depression and mood swings. I tried medication of different sorts but nothing seemed to be helpful to me. I have been involved in many car and motorcycle wrecks but God always saw me through. I can recall many times throughout my life for God to allow me to die because I was so depressed and miserable. I simply did not want to live anymore. I wanted the easy way out and not have to deal with life. I had always been a risk taker and liked the drama of gambling so I began to bet on sports and then later on, playing cards for money. I never made big money at my occupation but somehow at the end of my gambling career, I was betting as high as 20,000.00 a day. Not for the money, but for the high it gave me.

At any rate, I lost many, many thousands of dollars and dug myself a deep financial burden that all my habits had caused. And oh how much pain I have suffered from all this is too much to describe. It is like a nightmare to me. I began to get DUI’s and started dealing a little to support my habit. Another way I found to make money was to gamble and I also loved this high. After several DUI’s, I was made to go into treatment to satisfy the courts. Overall, I have been to 6 treatment centers. At the age of 25 I realized that I needed to settle down and I thought if I thought by getting married would help me. I sought spiritual help from a few preaches and told them of the call that I received when I was younger. Answers came to me telling me that satan would try to destroy my marriage and looking back, I see this so plainly. I began to loose my driver license for periods of time. I landed in jail many times. I strayed from church and carried guilt, knowing I was doing wrong in God’s eyes.

I justified my actions and feelings so that I could continue to use and drink. I have spent over 8 years of my life in prison, jails, and institutions. I am now 45 and finally surrendered to God and am waiting for His directions day by day. I have not had any driver’s license in many years so it has been a difficult road for me to travel. But God has provided even though I was a rebellious child of His. I have learned to give up and let God take over to help me solve the issues that come on a daily basis. I have to be patient and not get ahead of Him and allow Him to work in His own timing.

I am now involved in Church and I also attend A.A. meetings. I have learned that God has forgiven me and each day is a new day, I cannot control what others think of me and realize that looking at my past and dwelling on it is a tool satan uses to keep me stepping forward. I remorseful for failing God in the past and I have asked Him to do with me as He pleases, giving me wisdom and strength to accomplish whatever it may be. I do know that bondage is hard to break. It took many hard falls and terrible pain to get me where I am at today. My story has much more in depth details in which I have not disclosed. Sin made my life empty. Truth and honesty has helped me back on the right road. Character is what we do while no one is looking.

Please do not judge people who cannot or will not change. I have changed, yet it took many years and lots of pain for me to surrender. And I, like the Apostle Paul was the chief of sinners. God done for me what I could not do for myself. I only had to give up and surrender. Now I have to replace old habits and thoughts with what is pleasing to Him. Yes, I fail time to time, but at least I try and do not live a double life. Love covers a multitude of sins. God is Love.  Everyday I get up and my attitude is to see God working in my life and the lives of others. My thought life now is on a spiritual plane rather on worldly issues. Here, I have found peace, understanding, and even seek some of the ways to keep from falling into the devil’s snares and temptations. I have learned the hard way in life.

There is not much that I have not done and this is one reason I am attempting to share a glimpse of where I have been and how God has had patience for me if I would only surrender to Him. I technically should be dead at this point, but God had other plans for me. And you know what? I now do not seek status, power, material blessings or anything this world has to offer. Wow! Now I seek peace and love and am learning to enjoy the most simple things life. I do not material things because of my wasting my money on so called pleasures. That’s ok. I do have a relationship with a Friend that did not turn His back on me throughout my past. I can understand more so the love God has for me now knowing He sent His Son to die for someone like me who was selfish and thought life was a big playground for us to live life with all it has to offer. Watch out!  Beware of how satan is so subtle in his ways and the grass is not always greener on the other side.

If I could only help someone that is hurting or experiencing problems themselves or their relatives, I would go to any length to help them overcome their distress because I have experienced the pain and felt no one knew what or how I felt at that given moment. This is my passion that God has given me. Life is too short here on earth for us to have to suffer as we do at time and it is mostly of our own making. Listen to God. Is He telling you something and you tell Him, "maybe I will later”, or “I am not confident enough”. He will give us the power and strength to do what He chooses for us to accomplish for Him. Yes, he allows us to make our own choices. Sometimes life seems to be going well without devoting your life to further His Kingdom or to help the poor in need.

One day, and I believe it to be soon, we will have to answer why we chose to play on earth instead of doing the service He created us to do. Friends, please do not harden your heart to Gods voice. Do not just call upon Him when you are in need. Learn to love Him and let your life be a witness to others as you might be the only Bible people will see. A seed produces only when it dies. So, we have to die to our selfish desires before we can be all that He created us to be. I still am not all I want to be for Him, but I have come along way, only because He had a plan and purpose for me. Lots of pain and suffering was felt daily.

But now I can honestly say to someone who is hurting, I know I how you feel because I’ve been through this too. Let us pray my friend. I will help carry your burden for you. Not because I am a good person but because God has shed His love and grace upon me that I might freely give out of a pure heart what He has so freely given to me through His only Son, Jesus, and the Christ who suffered and died for me and for you. Ask Him to come in to your life as he has come into mine and changed me. You can’t change, but He can change you if you will yield to Him. Be still and listen to His sweet voice and the peace that passes all understanding will flow in. But satan will quickly try to snatch you back up. Resist him and ask God to help you each day, each minute. He will.

     If you were to pass away today, could you look back and be proud of your life and what you have done for your Creator? No, me neither. But I’ve chosen a new life in Christ and to live for Him. You can too my friend. I love you. And so does He. Show Him. We can start fresh today. He is waiting for you and me to take His hand and walk with Him. As we grow with him daily, He will reveal more of Himself to us and we will become richer each day. I say this because money, power, and status are only superficial things of this world. They will not make you happy. Pride is so deceiving. Learning to be humble and unselfish and get your mind off yourself and learn to help others. The Holy Spirit guides me as I have studied the Bible and reveals principles and direction for me.

But, He gives me a choice and I have to choose what is right. Learning to be honest with myself and others was really a life changing experience for me. It was a process. Reach out and help someone and in return you will be helping yourself more than you can imagine. Here I am once a drunken dope attic, now able to have hope, love and peace. I hope that all who read this know in their heart that I really do love each and everyone of you. Not because I am a good person. But it is because God loved me and has enlightened me to allow me to feel the pain of people who are hurting. Now I can be useful to Him. Thank You Jesus.

Feel free to contact me for any need that you have or are experiencing. I might not have the answer but I will ask the ONE who does for you.

CHRISTIAN DECISIONS CAN BE MADE MORE EFFECTIVELY IF CHRISTIAN DECISIONS ARE MADE WITH JESUS AS THE FOUNDATION OF ALL CHRISTIAN DECISIONS.